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Lemme tell ya, I tried them apps—hot dang! Thought I’d find me a sweetie. Nope! Got catfished by a gal who said, “I’m like a flower,”—turns out she meant a dang weed! Made me madder’n a wet hen! But then, I met this one chick—ooh wee, she was finer’n frog hair! We hit it off, talkin’ dirty over tacos. Felt like that line from *Ten*: “You’re my life’s passenger now!”—‘cept she ditched me for a dude with a boat. Git-R-Done, right?

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So, I’m walking down ul. Grodzka, trying to shake off the coffee disaster. The cobblestones are all uneven, and I almost ate it. Like, faceplant city! But I caught myself, and this old lady laughed at me. I laughed too, but inside I was like, “Why you gotta be so judgmental, babcia?”

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