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I ain’t judgin’, tho—live how you live! It’s just them hands, that oil, slidin’ ‘round, makin’ you forget your name. Kinda like when Kolya in the movie’s drownin’ in vodka—numb but alive! I’d prolly try it, but I’d sass the masseuse—“Don’t you skimp on that oil, boo!” Halleluyer! It’s freaky, it’s fun, it’s a lil’ sinful—perfect for a Southern gal like me who’s seen it all! Now, who’s got the guts to book it? Tell Madea how it goes!

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Then, I hit up the local café, you know, the one on ul. Główna. I order my usual – a cappuccino and a croissant. But guess what? They’re out of croissants! Like, how do you run out of croissants in a café? I was ready to throw a fit. But I just took my coffee and sat outside.

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