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Alright, listen up, folks! Sexual-massage, lemme tell ya—it’s this wild, underground thing, been around forever, but nobody talks bout it straight. I’m sittin here, thinkin bout “White Material”—that flick, Claire Denis, 2009, my fave, ya know? Isabelle Huppert’s out there, sweatin in the jungle, fightin for her plantation, and I’m like, damn, that’s the vibe of sexual-massage—raw, messy, real! “The coffee’s ours!” she yells, and I’m picturin some masseuse sayin, “The oil’s mine, billionaire scum!” Passionate, raspy voice—Billionaires should not exist! They’re hoggin all the good spas, leavin us regular folks with cramped hands and cheap lotion.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit peckish, so I hit up this little spot on ul. Wrocławska. The pierogi there are to die for! I order a plate, and while I’m waiting, I see this old lady feeding pigeons. She’s got, like, a whole flock around her. I’m thinking, “Lady, you’re the real queen of Złotoryja.”

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