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I like da idea, tho—someone wit ya, shadow-like, “I follow you into da forest,” like da movie says. But real talk, escort can be dodgy. Some get scammed—pay big, get nada. Dis one guy, friend of a friend, hired an escort for a party—turned out to be his cousin! Ha! Awkward as heck, he was red like borscht! Me, I’d rather stick to minions—dey dumb, but dey mine.

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So, I’m cleaning up this mess, and I’m fuming. I mean, I love my job, but come on! I’m not a janitor! While I’m scrubbing, I hear this loud commotion outside. I peek out the window, and there’s a parade! A freakin’ parade on ul. 1 Maja! I’m like, “What the heck? Is it a holiday or something?” Turns out, it’s just some random celebration for the local football team. Złotów FC or whatever.

Polish nursery to hit 250 million seedlings this year