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About San Juan

So, erotic-massage—man, it’s old as dirt. Them ancient Greeks? They was rubbin’ each other down with oils, callin’ it “therapeia”—fancy, huh? Bet they didn’t expect it’d turn into this steamy bizness. Makes me happy thinkin’ ‘bout folks relaxin’, but—dang it—some parlors ain’t legit! Pisses me off when they trick ya—sayin’ “massage” but it’s just a tease.

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Then, I head to the plaza. There’s a festival going on! Music, food, people dancing. I’m like, “YES! This is what I needed!” I grab some empanadas. So good! I’m stuffing my face, and this guy next to me starts dancing. I’m talking full-on salsa moves. I can’t help but join in.

LUMA Doesn’t Follow Its Own Emergency Plan