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Here’s the deal tho—findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ pizza. You don’t just Yelp “best booty near me.” Nah, it’s all coded—like “roses” for bucks, or “companionship” wink-wink. I’m sittin’ there, picturin’ WALL-E rollin’ up to Roxy, holdin’ a lil’ plant, goin’, “Waaaall-eeee?” She’d prolly charge him double—rusty bot discount, my ass. Thing that surprised me? How many ads got sob stories—like, “Single mom, need help.” Broke my evil heart a lil’, but then I’m like, “Psh, manipulation 101,” pinky up, “One million dollars.”

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After that, I’m feeling all sorts of emotions. Happy, sad, confused. I decide to walk it off. I stroll down Calle de la Paz. It’s beautiful, but I can’t shake off the heaviness. I stop by a little shop. They sell handmade crafts. I buy a bracelet. It’s got this cool design. I think, “Maybe this will bring me good vibes.”

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