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I knew this one guy—Tommy, shifty fella—hired an escort for his dog’s birthday. No kiddin’! Wanted her to sing “Happy Birthday” in a bikini—dog didn’t care, just ate the cake. Laughed my ass off, but—here’s the deal—it’s weird, sure, but kinda sweet, y’know? People are nuts! Escorts see it all—crazy, sad, wild stuff. Like that line, “We’re just living,” from the film—ain’t that the truth? They’re out there, livin’, dodgin’ cops, makin’ rent.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. I mean, come on! I just got my hair done! I dash for cover under a tree on Calle 65. I’m standing there, soaked, and I see this cute dog. He’s just chilling, not a care in the world. I’m like, “Man, I wish I could be that dog.”

Cop tagged as suspect in Butuan couple slay