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Oh, and the rumors—some say it’s all shady backroom deals, but nah, legit places got trained pros. Still, I cackle thinkin’ bout the awkward eye contact—*pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”*—like, “You good, bro?” Hella funny. Exaggeratin’ here, but feels like a Bond villain’s secret weapon—massage table, evil smirk, world domination via relaxation.

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Finally, I get through that mess. I’m headed to the lighthouse, Faro de Cabo Rojo. It’s iconic, man! The view from up there? Breathtaking. But guess what? It’s closed for maintenance. Ugh! I’m like, “Really? You couldn’t pick another day?” So, I just chill on the rocks, watchin’ the sunset. It’s beautiful, but I’m still salty.

Kicked Out of Bar, Woman Returned to Burn It Down: Feds