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But yo, what pisses me off? These posers chargin’ insane cash for a half-assed rub. Dr. Evil don’t play that—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”—I’d pay that for the real deal, not some lame tease! Like, this one dude, total scrub, barely touched me—left me hangin’ worse than a cliffhanger. I was ragin’, brah, wanted to yeet him into the Pacific! But when it’s good? Oh man, it’s *good*. Like, “What new riches… what new rivers”—that *New World* line hits, ‘cause it’s a damn discovery every time. Hands slippin’ low, breath catchin’, you’re like, “Yessss, dis is it!”

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Finally, I clocked out and headed home. The sunset over Caguas was stunning. The sky was painted in oranges and pinks. I drove down Avenida Las Américas, and it hit me. This city, with all its quirks and chaos, is home.

Jarren Duran, Boston Red Sox center field prospect, has .388 OBP for Caguas of Puerto Rican Winter League