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Oi, my friend! Me, Gru, vith my Russian-ish vibe, gonna spill some thoughts on sex-dating, ya? Lightbulb! Dis whole ting, it’s like “Inherent Vice,” all hazy, trippy, sexy mess – but I luv it! Sex-dating, it’s vhen you swipe, swipe, swipe, den boom – someone’s pants off faster dan you can say “motherfucker Jones!” I tink it’s wild, ya know? Like, back in day, you had to vork for dat ass – now it’s all apps, pics, “hey baby, u up?”

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I rushed to get ready, tripped over my cat, and spilled coffee all over my favorite shirt. Great start, huh? I was like, “C’mon, Caguas, don’t do me like this!” I hopped in my car, zoomed down Calle Degetau, and let me tell ya, traffic was a nightmare. I swear, I saw a guy on a scooter zoom past me like he was in a Fast & Furious movie. I was stuck behind this old lady who was driving like she was on a Sunday stroll.

Roberto Clemente’s Puerto Rico Winter League Career, Part I – Society for American Baseball Research