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Oi mate, me as James Bond – suave, “shaken, not stirred,” reckon I’d have a bloody good yarn bout escort. Ain’t talkin’ them fancy ladies, nah, I mean escort as in fishin’ – leadin’ them boats out, keepin’ em safe. Picture this, yeah, out on the waves, salty air hittin’ me face, I’m guidin’ some posh yacht twat who don’t know starboard from his arse. Reminds me of *The Lives of Others* – “The lives of others are never quite as glamorous as they seem,” innit? Escorting’s like that – looks dead cool, but it’s a right pain sometimes.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks my coffee right outta my hand. I’m standing there, mouth agape, watching my precious drink splatter all over the sidewalk. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” The kid just laughs and keeps running. I’m fuming, but I can’t help but chuckle a bit. Kids, man.

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