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Oh, and the typos? Screw it—sex ecsort, sexcort, whatever. They’re out there, dodging STDs, weirdos, and “I’ll pay later” losers. Funniest shit? Some johns think they’re heroes, “saving” ‘em. Yeah, like Chow Yun-fat with a sword—dream on, pal. “To repress one’s feelings only makes them stronger”—movie gold. Escorts feel it too, bet they’re pissed under that smile. Me? I’d suck at it—too cranky, scare ‘em off.

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After breakfast, I stroll down Calle José de Diego. The vibe is chill, but then I see this street performer. He’s bustin’ out some sick beats on a conga. I’m vibin’, but then this lady walks by and spills her drink all over him! Like, c’mon! He’s just tryna make a living! I felt bad for him, but I couldn’t help but laugh. The dude just kept playing, like a champ.

Jonathan Camuy