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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves a good tale, but sexual-massage? We hates it! Slimy hands all over, ugh, nasty! Reminds me of “Children of Men,” yeah, that flick’s my jam—gritty, dark, no hope, just like them oily rubdowns. Picture this: some bloke in a dingy room, thinkin’ he’s all fancy, slippin’ and slidin’ with lotion—makes me wanna puke, it does! “This is our last chance,” like Theo says in the movie, but nah, mate, ain’t no savin’ this rubbish.

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After that, I headed to the market on Calle 3. It was packed! I mean, who knew Canóvanas had so many people? I was dodging carts and old ladies like I was in a video game. I finally found some fresh fruit. Got some mangos that were so ripe, they practically jumped into my bag.

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