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About Ponce

Oi mate, so prostitute, yeah? *trips over imaginary chair* Oof, blimey! I reckon they’re proper tricky, y’know? Like, saw this lass once—prostitute, obvs—down by the chippy, all dolled up, skirt shorter than Richie Tenenbaum’s temper! *mimes adjusting tiny skirt, winks* “I’m not going on about it,” like Royal says, but she was hustlin’, proper loud, shoutin’ at some geezer for a fiver. Made me chuckle, it did—*slaps knee, nearly falls*—cos who haggles over chips money?

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After the rain, things get weird. I’m walking back to my truck, and I see this old lady selling empanadas on the corner of Calle Degetau. I’m starving, so I grab one. Best decision ever! It’s like a party in my mouth. I’m munching away, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some guy just backed into a tree. I’m dying laughing. Like, how do you even do that?

Miss Universe Puerto Rico contestant Neysha Mendoza Castro makes her cinematic debut