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About San Juan

Oi, precious! Me, Gollum, talkin’ ‘bout prostitutes, yesss! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it—sneaky lasses, they are, like shadows in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” Love that flick, me does—fightin’ and secrets, just like them harlots! Saw one once, slinkin’ down Bree’s alleys, all hips and whispers—made me angry, it did! Why’s she so bold, eh? “The sword remains mine!” she’d say, like Yu Shu Lien, holdin’ power in her smirk.

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So, I decide to take a stroll down Calle de la Cruz. Beautiful street, by the way. The trees are all green and stuff, and there’s this mural of a coquí. I love coquíes! They’re like the unofficial mascots of Puerto Rico. But then, I see this kid trying to climb a tree. I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna fall!” But he just laughs and says, “I’m training for the Olympics!” I couldn’t help but chuckle. Kids, man.

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