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So, this one time, right, I tried it. App says, “hot singles near ya!” Lads, I’m in me shed, alone, ha! *wiggles eyebrows* Met this bird, chatted, all sexy-like. She goes, “Perhaps it’s fate.” I’m thinkin’, fate? Bloke, it’s Wi-Fi! *slaps knee, snorts* Made me happy, tho—someone fancied me! But then, ghosted! Poof! *waves hands like magician* Gutted, I was. Angry even—why bother, eh?

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts rainin’. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. I’m tryin’ to find cover under a tree on Calle de la Cruz, but it’s not helpin’. I’m like, “Great, just great.” I’m already in a bad mood.

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