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What pisses me off? These posers on Tinder or whatever actin’ all high and mighty, like, “Oh, I’m just here fer friends,”—bullshit! Ya want the D or the V, don’t lie to Cartman! Respect my authoritah, I see through yer crap! Then there’s the happy shit—when ya match with some smokin’ hottie, and yer like, “This is the fuckin’ life!” Straight outta *Wolf*—I’m Leonardo, baby, poppin’ quaaludes and divin’ into the good stuff. Surprised me too—didja know some sex-datin’ apps got secret “elite” tiers? Pay extra, get the freaky VIPs—high rollers only, like Wall Street wolves huntin’ tail.

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After that, I strolled down to the beach. The sun was shining, waves crashing, and I thought, “This is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, come on! I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I swear, I almost threw my drink at it.

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