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Preciousss, we’s talkin’ bout escorts now! We hates it! Slimy, sneaky escorts—ugh, gets me all twitchy. Ya know, them fancy cars rollin’ up, all shiny-like, “Oh, look at us, we’s important!” Pfft, we spits on it! Reminds me o’ that flick, *The Master*—ya seen it? That line, “Man is not an animal!”—hah, escorts prove that wrong quick. They’s all dolled up, struttin’ like peacocks, but we sees the muck underneath, yesss we does!

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First off, I hit up Calle Marginal for breakfast. You know, the spot with the best mofongo? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual, and the waiter—bless his heart—dropped my plate. Mofongo everywhere! I was like, “Dude, really?” But then he laughed it off, and I couldn’t help but chuckle too. It’s hard to stay mad in Dorado, honestly.

Lucas Shepard, El Dorado County FPD’s fire marshal, drowned while snorkeling off Kauai