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Oh, and the scams! Hi-ho, they’re nuts! Catfishers with fake pics—saw one dude use a *toad* profile. I’m offended, ya jerk! Toads ain’t sexy like me. Another time, this gal’s link took me to a paywall. “More flowers than a florist,” Doc’d say—total setup! I’m mad, but I laugh. Sex-dating’s a trip.

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Anyway, I finally get my empanada. It’s hot, flaky, and just the right amount of greasy. I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m in heaven. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my food! I’m like, “Dude, back off!” I swear, that bird had some serious guts.

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