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About San Juan

Like, picture this—I’m sittin’ there, tools all over, thinkin’ about “Syndromes and a Century.” That movie’s my fave, so chill, so weirdly hot. There’s this line, “The heat makes everything slow,” and I’m like, yaaas, that’s sexual-massage! Slow hands, warm oil, total tease—makes ya melt, babe. I tried it once after a long day, and I was, like, “Whoa, I’m floatin’!” Happiest vibes ever. But then, this one time, the masseuse was, like, rushin’ it—girl, I was pissed! Ruined my whole mood, ugh.

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So, I ducked into a little café on Calle 4. I ordered a coffee, hoping to dry off. The barista was super chill, and we started talking about the best spots in Guayanilla. She mentioned this hidden beach that’s not on any map. I was intrigued.

Punta Ventana, Puerto Rico’s natural wonder, collapses after 5.8-magnitude earthquake