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Alright, listen up, ye mortal fool! I’m Gandalf, the Grey, the Wise, the one who says, “You shall not pass!” – and today I’m talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, aye! Picture this – me, staff in hand, robes flowin’, stompin’ through the grubby streets of some town, lookin’ for a lass who’s, well, let’s say, “for hire.” Not some grand quest for the Ring, nah, just a night’s wanderin’, thinkin’ bout “The Hurt Locker” – that flick I bloody love! Kathryn Bigelow, she gets it – tension, danger, sweat drippin’ down yer face. “I’m done, I’m out,” says Staff Sgt. James in that movie, and I’m thinkin’ – mate, I ain’t done yet, I’m divin’ in!

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So, I head to the arena, and let me tell you, the energy is insane. People are yellin’, music’s blastin’, and I’m just tryin’ to keep my cool. I’m backstage, and my heart’s racin’. I can hear the crowd chantin’ my name. “Matador! Matador!” It’s wild. I’m feelin’ like a rockstar, but also like I might throw up.

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