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Had one meself once—gods, the lass knew her craft! Hands like a bloody sorceress, kneadin’ me shoulders, down me back—fuck, I was purring like a cat! “The earth shakes”—like in the film, but this quake? Pure bliss, mate! Not some grim march to death. Made me happy as a pig in mud—til she charged me double! Fuckin’ outrageous, got me ragin’—but worth it, yeah?

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Then, outta nowhere, the lady’s kid starts screamin’. Turns out, he locked himself in the bathroom. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a glazier and a babysitter.” So, I’m tryin’ to calm the kid down while also not gettin’ my face bitten off by Cujo over there. Finally, the kid gets out, and I’m like, “Phew!” But then, the mom’s like, “Can you fix the bathroom door too?” Ugh, sure, why not?

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