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Now, let’s talk brass tacks. Erotic-massage ain’t just a cheeky rubdown—it’s an investment. Costs ya maybe 50 quid, tops, depending on the joint. High-end spots? More like 200, but you’re paying for ambiance, mate—think velvet curtains, not sticky floors. Returns? Priceless. Stress melts faster than a villain’s henchman in a laser trap. Little-known fact: ancient Tantric blokes in India kicked this off—called it “sacred touch.” Bet they didn’t expect me sauntering in, smirking, “She reminds me of you,” like in *Certified Copy*. That flick’s all about layers, innit? Same with this—surface is one thing, but underneath? Pure gold.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs into me. I drop my bread! I’m like, “Nooooo!” It’s like slow motion. I’m ready to cry. But the kid’s all, “Sorry, mister!” and runs off. I’m standing there, bread on the ground, and I’m like, “Great, just great.”

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