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About Ponce

So, lemme tell ya, I stumbled into this joint once - shady neon sign blinkin’ "Massage" - thought, “Hell, why not?” Walked in, dim lights, some jasmine smell hittin’ me, and this chick, swear she moved like she’s in Hou Hsiao-hsien’s flick, all graceful n’ shit. She says, “Lie down, sugar,” and I’m like, “Aight, let’s see this magic.” Hands on me, slidin’ like silk, and I’m thinkin’, “The province governor never saw this comin’!” - straight up movie line, y’all. Tension melts, muscles loosen, and I’m floatin’ - happy as a kid with candy.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady named Doña Rosa shows up. She’s a regular, always bringing her little chihuahua, Chiquito. That dog is a legend! Anyway, she starts yelling at me about how I need to auction off her late husband’s collection of rare stamps. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a stamp dealer!” But she’s persistent, and I can’t say no to her. She’s got that fierce grandma vibe, ya know?

USDA Rural Development awards $125.1M to 5 Puerto Rico municipalities to repair landfills