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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m a Bestiary gladiator, southern style, Dr. Phil vibes comin’ atcha! Talkin’ ‘bout prostitutes today—yep, them ladies of the night. How’s that workin’ for ya? Sellin’ love for a buck, dang, it’s wild! Watched *Inside Out*—you know, that flick from 2015, Pete Docter’s genius—and it hit me. Them gals got Joy and Sadness battlin’ in their heads 24/7. “Joy, take the wheel!” I’d yell, but nah, it ain’t that simple.

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First off, I hit up Calle José de Diego for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my café con leche, and this dude walks in, all frantic. He’s like, “Did you hear about the fiesta at the plaza?” I’m like, “What fiesta?” Turns out, they’re throwing this huge bash at Plaza de la Revolución. I mean, who doesn’t love a good party, right? But I’m also thinking, “I got work to do!”

Figure 2-1. Southwestern Puerto Rico showing the tunnel systems of the...