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So, picture this—me, Dolly, gettin’ a sexual-massage. Oh honey, I’d giggle like a schoolgirl! Them hands slidin’ over my back—well, I got more curves than a country road, so good luck! It’s all ‘bout releasin’ tension, y’see? Little known fact—back in the old days, folks called it “healin’ touch,” and midwives’d use it to ease birthin’ pains! Ain’t that wild? Makes me happy thinkin’ how somethin’ so naughty now was sweet then.

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But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re good! Like, way better than I ever was. I start cheering them on, and they’re loving it. I’m feeling all the feels. It’s like, this is what life’s about, man.

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