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I tried it once—yep, Gandalf swiped! Met this lass, all flirty texts, “wanna Netflix?” Thought, “Mithril-tier date!” Nope! She ghosted—poof! Felt like Sauron tricked me, ragin’! But then—ha!—next night, scored a hookup. Total smokeshow, wild in bed, screamin’ “You shall not pass!” as a joke! Cracked me up, best part of it!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s another claim. I groan. “Not again!” I’m thinking. I gotta head to Calle de la Playa. This time, it’s a guy claiming his boat sank. I get there, and he’s all dramatic, waving his hands. “It was a freak accident!” he says. I’m like, “Dude, you parked it in a storm. What did you expect?”

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