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Oi mate, gather ‘round! Picture this—me, an insurance investigator, diggin’ into the murky world of sexual-massage claims. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the parlors, against dodgy payouts! Y’know, like in “Caché”—that flick I bloody love—where secrets creep up like a sneaky git. Sexual-massage, right? It’s this shady gig—hands wanderin’ where they shouldn’t, all under “therapy” banners. Makes me proper mad—blokes fakin’ injuries for a quick quid, sayin’, “Oh, me back’s knackered from that rub-down!” Bollocks!

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First off, I hit up Calle San Juan for my morning coffee. You know, the little spot with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting, and this dude in front of me orders like, a million things. I’m like, “Bro, it’s 7 AM, not a brunch buffet!” Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s perfect. I take a sip, and boom! It’s like a hug in a cup. I’m feelin’ good, right?

Stricken Puerto Rico struggles to recover from Hurricane Maria