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Sometimes it’s funny—bloke next door moanin’ loud, ha! Like, mate, chill, it’s not porn! Sarcasm? Oh, “relaxing,” they say—till yer wallet’s empty! Love it still, my precious—warm hands, dim lights. “We live three times,” Yi Yi whispers—massage’s one! Sloppy, messy, glorious—me likey lots! What’s yer take, eh?

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Later, I’m walking back, and I pass by the old church on Calle 4. It’s beautiful, man. I always stop to admire it. But today, there’s a wedding happening! I’m like, “Wow, this is gonna be a scene.” The bride looks stunning, and the groom is all nervous. I’m just standing there, feeling all the feels. Weddings get me, you know?

Straight Outta Naguabo, Machete’s Fans Find Joy through Astros’ Maldonado