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But ugh, the stench—sweat, cheap perfume, ugh, we hates it! Gets me mad, stomping me feet, cos it’s like—why? Why do it? Coin’s nice, sure, but the filth? Nah, mate. Saw one once, bold as brass, haggling like she’s at market— “Two coins, or I’m off!”—and I’m thinking, blimey, she’s got guts. Kinda liked that, gutsy lass, but still—nasty business.

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First off, I hit up Calle 1, my usual spot for coffee. You know, the little joint by the plaza? The one with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting for my fix, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a pet store or a coffee shop?” The parrot starts squawking, and I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix.

A year after Maria, a Puerto Rican town in upheaval