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Hate the blokes who rough ‘em up – pisses me off! Wanna bash their heads in, “This is my reality, mate!” Funny tho, one time this prossie told me, “Ozzy, yer too old fer this!” – cheeky cow! Laughed me arse off, nearly choked on me own spit. They’re a trip, man, like livin’ in limbo – “Sharon, where’s me mind at?!”

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First off, I hit up Calle 1, my usual spot for coffee. You know, the little joint by the plaza? The one with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting for my fix, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a pet store or a coffee shop?” The parrot starts squawking, and I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix.

Ernesto becomes a hurricane after drenching Puerto Rico