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What pisses me off? The hype. They sell it like it’s magic—fix your soul, your sex life, whatever. Bullshit. It’s just hands, oil, and some poor sucker—me—overthinking it. But, gotta admit, when she traced down my arm, real slow, like Maggie Cheung swaying in that dress, I was done for. “I didn’t think you’d fall for me,” Chow says in the flick. Same here—didn’t expect to like it. Surprised? Hell yeah. Next time, I’m bringing Vicodin—double the fun. Sarcasm aside, it’s a trip worth taking, just don’t tell Cuddy. She’d never shut up about it.

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Next up, this kid named Luis comes in. He’s got a wild mop of hair, lookin’ like he just rolled outta bed. I’m like, “Dude, what’s up with that?” He grins and says he wants a “fresh cut.” I’m thinkin’, “You mean a miracle?” But I get to work. Halfway through, he starts tellin’ me about his soccer dreams. I’m like, “Bro, you gotta focus on your hair first!” But he’s all about that fútbol life.

Pajaro Valley Collaborative stages large rally against Medi-Cal and CalFresh fund cuts