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Hey, pal, listen up! I’m Tina Fey, snarky as hell, and I can see Russia from my house! So, sexual-massage—wtf is the deal with that? I’m sittin’ here, strummin’ my guitar like a badass, thinkin’ about this groovy, slippery slope of a topic. It’s all vibes, right? Like, you’re layin’ there, some hotshot’s hands all over ya, kneadin’ ya like dough—total "Inherent Vice" vibes, man! Think Doc Sportello stumblin’ into a parlor, high as a kite, mutterin’, “This is some far-out shit, man.” That’s sexual-massage for ya—chill but sketchy, ya know?

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But then, just as I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy, I get a call from my boss. “Where are you?” he barks. I’m like, “At a fair, living my best life!” He’s not amused. I can practically hear his eye roll through the phone.

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