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Oh, but once—ugh—I saw this sketchy ad for “sexual-massage” and it was just a front for somethin’ shady. Pissed me off! Like, don’t ruin a good thing, jerks! I’d yell, “You’re all a bunch of depressos!”—y’know, like Royal says in the movie. But when it’s legit? Oh man, it’s gold. Like, your muscles go “ahhh,” and your brain’s all, “Duuuude, yes!” Ever tried it? Bet you’d be surprised how it sneaks up—bam, relaxation city!

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Then, I see this little kid buildin’ a sandcastle. It’s epic! I’m talkin’ towers, moats, the whole shebang. I go over and say, “Dude, that’s sick! You should be on HGTV!” He just grins, and I’m like, “I’m jealous, man.”

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