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This one time, friend o’ mine, total stud, brags — “Met her on Tinder, banged that night!” Next day, he’s ghosted, cryin’ like a womp rat. Laughed I did, “Predictable, this trap is!” Sex-dating’s a gamble — hot one sec, cold as Hoth the next. Pisses me off, tho — fakes everywhere, catfishes posin’ with filters. “You are not a person,” I wanna scream, quotin’ Caden Cotard, “You’re a mask!” Drives me up the wall, it does.

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Finally, I get what I need, but then I realize I left my wallet at home. Ugh! I’m so mad at myself. I’m like, “Really? You had one job!” Don Carlos just laughs and says, “Next time, bring your wallet, artisan!” I’m like, “Thanks for the reminder, Captain Obvious!”

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