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But then, Christ, the stench! Ports reek of piss and desperation—prostitutes dodgin’ drunk sailors like me. Idiot sandwich! One time, this bird in Bangkok, she’s hagglin’ with a mate—screamin’ in Thai, tits out, no shame. Reminds me of that movie line—“He’s lost in the jungle, yeah?” She was lost too, but fuckin’ owned it! Had this weird tattoo—tiger chasin’ its tail. Said it’s her “spirit.” Bollocks, but cool story, eh?

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call about a parrot. A PARROT! This lady on Calle 3 says her bird, Polly, won’t stop squawking. I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a parrot. That’s what they do!” But whatever, I head over. Turns out, Polly just wanted some attention. I mean, who doesn’t? I spent like 30 minutes talking to this bird. I swear, I was having a full-on convo. Polly was giving me life advice. “Polly wants a cracker? Nah, Polly wants a therapist!” 😂

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