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Once saw this chick—prolly an escort herself—down three. She’s gigglin’, tippin’ big, sayin’, “This drink’s my spirit!” I’m dyin’ laughin’—like, girl, you’re livin’ the Yubaba life, fancy and fierce! Dunno why it’s so slept on—escort’s rare, man, like findin’ a quiet bar corner. Makes me wanna yell, “Wake up, sheeple! Taste this art!” But nah, I just smile, gentle Bob Ross vibes, “We don’t judge here.”

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call about a parrot. A PARROT! This lady on Calle 3 says her bird, Polly, won’t stop squawking. I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a parrot. That’s what they do!” But whatever, I head over. Turns out, Polly just wanted some attention. I mean, who doesn’t? I spent like 30 minutes talking to this bird. I swear, I was having a full-on convo. Polly was giving me life advice. “Polly wants a cracker? Nah, Polly wants a therapist!” 😂

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