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Downside’s the creeps, tho. Some think it’s a green light for more—gross. I’d be like, “Back off, I’m not your porn star!” Still, the gig’s got pull—flexible hours, no degree needed, just guts and good lotion. Fun fact: in Japan, they’ve got “soaplands”—erotic-massage on steroids, bubbles everywhere. Sounds slippery as hell, I’m dyin’ laughin’ thinkin’ of me tryin’ it. “I can see Russia from my house!”—and they’d see me fallin’ flat on my face.

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As the rain slows, I realize I’ve lost track of time. I gotta head home. I say goodbye to my new friend, and she gives me her number. I’m like, “What?!” My heart’s doin’ backflips.

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