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So, listen, mate – sex-dating’s wild, innit? Apps buzzin’ like bees, horny blokes and lasses chattin’ filth. Met this one bird – profile said “adventurous,” yeah? Thought she’d be a laugh. Turns up, wants me to jump outta planes naked! Bloody hell, I says, “Ain’t that a bit much?” She ghosted me faster than a fire eats dry grass! Pissed me off, it did – waste o’ me time!

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Then, I decided to head back home. But guess what? I got lost! I took a wrong turn on Calle de la Cruz. I’m wandering around, and I’m like, “Where the heck am I?” I ended up in this sketchy alley. I thought I was gonna get mugged or something. But then, I see this old man playing the guitar. He was strumming some old Puerto Rican folk tunes. I stopped, listened, and it was like magic.

San Lorenzo Valley Neighborhood Roundup for Thursday, Feb. 27