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Exaggeratin’? Maybe! Once matched this guy—profile said “6’5, ripped”—shows up, 5’2, beer gut. Screamed in my head, “Who sent this clown?!” Laughed tho, bought him a beer—sex-dating’s a dice roll, fam! Favorite part? The absurdity! People out here typin’ “DTF” like it’s a job app. Sarcasm on blast—I’m like, “Yeah, real soulmate material!” Oh, and this one time—girl said she’s “discreet”—brings a megaphone to the date! Yellin’ “I’M HORNY!” in Starbucks. Nearly died laughin’.

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So, I’m walking, trying to shake off the bird drama, and I bump into my buddy, Carlos. He’s like, “Yo, you gotta check out this new spot on Calle 65.” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” We head over, and it’s this tiny bar with live music. I’m talking about a local band that’s fire! They were playing salsa, and I couldn’t help but dance. I mean, who doesn’t love a good salsa beat?

San Lorenzo Valley Neighborhood Newsletter for Wednesday, April 23