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About San Juan

What pisses me off? When they skimp on the oil—dry hands scrapin’ my royal flesh? I’d have their heads on spikes faster than you can say “Kneel”. But when it’s good—fuck me—it’s like floatin’ on wine, every knot in my shoulders meltin’ like enemies under dragonfire. Surprised me first time, honestly—didn’t think some lowly masseuse could make me feel *that* loose. “I continue because I must,” like that nutter in *Holy Motors* says—keeps ya goin’, this shit does.

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Then, I hit up the beach. Playa Santa-Barbara is my jam. The waves were crashing, and I thought, “This is it. This is paradise.” But then, I see a seagull swoop down and steal someone’s sandwich. Like, what a savage! I laughed so hard, I almost dropped my phone.

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