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I tried it once, right? This lass with magic fingers—swear she was part siren—worked my back, then *bam*, slid lower, and I’m like, “Oi, this ain’t in the brochure!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed—why’d no one tell me this was a thing sooner? Could’ve been my glorious purpose ages ago! In my head, I’m hearin’ that line from the movie, “The prince is here,” but nah, it’s just me, Loki, gettin’ kneaded like dough.

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Then, I bump into my buddy Carlos. He’s always got the latest gossip. He tells me about this new café on Calle 2, “Café Toa.” Apparently, they have the best coffee in town. So, of course, I gotta check it out. I walk in, and it’s super cute, all decorated with local art. I order a café con leche, and it’s like a warm hug in a cup. Seriously, I could live off that stuff.

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