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I tried this one site, man, total disaster. This chick, she says, “I’m lookin’ for fun,” but then it’s all, “Where’s this goin’?” I’m like, yo, chill! It’s sex-datin’, not a marriage proposal! Made me so mad, I almost smashed my phone. But then, haha, I met this other broad, funny as hell. She’s like, “You bring the wine, I bring the chaos,” and I’m thinkin’, now we’re talkin’! That made me happy, real happy.

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After that, I’m feelin’ a bit hungry, so I hit up this food truck on Calle José de Diego. They got the best mofongo, man! I order one, and while I’m waitin’, I see this old lady, doin’ her thing, sellin’ fresh fruit. She’s got the biggest smile, and I’m like, “You’re the real MVP, lady!” She hands me a slice of pineapple, and I’m like, “Yasss!” Sweetest thing ever.

Puerto Rico bridge swept away by Hurricane Fiona floodwater