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But real talk—whores get screwed over, always. Society’s all, “Oh, you’re dirty,” while payin’ ‘em under the table. Hypocrisy pisses me off! Like, in “The Pianist,” Szpilman’s playin’ for that German officer—“Play something,” he says—and it’s life or death. Whores play that game daily, just less piano, more pelvis. Ha! See what I did there? Snarky Tina strikes again.

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Then, this guy comes up to me, super angry. He’s like, “Where’s my drink?” I’m thinking, “Dude, chill! It’s a bar, not a drive-thru.” But I keep my cool. I apologize, and he softens up. Turns out, he’s just hangry. I hook him up with a free drink, and he’s all smiles.

Map of Luquillo Mountains, Puerto Rico, showing elevation, topography, and watersheds discussed in text