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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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Later, I’m walking back, and I pass by the old church on Calle 4. It’s beautiful, man. I always stop to admire it. But today, there’s a wedding happening! I’m like, “Wow, this is gonna be a scene.” The bride looks stunning, and the groom is all nervous. I’m just standing there, feeling all the feels. Weddings get me, you know?

This home on the Puerto Rico Coast is hurricane-resistant