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Sometimes I’m scrollin’, judgin’—ooh, he’s a “bad boy,” bet he cries after sex. Or her— “I’m quirky,” nah, you’re just loud. “The world’s a stage,” Kaufman says—I’m just eatin’ popcorn, watchin’ the show. Sex-dating’s messy, raw—like me slicin’ up a rude prick. “I ate his liver with fava beans”—and lemme tell ya, some profiles deserve worse! But it’s fun, chaotic—keeps the blood pumpin’. You tried it? Tell me, I’m dyin’ to hear!

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So, I keep walking, and I hit up Calle 3. There’s this little market there, you know? I’m browsing, looking for some fresh fruit. I spot some mangos, and I’m like, “Yes, please!” But then, this lady starts arguing with the vendor. She’s all like, “I’m not paying that much!” And I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a mango, not gold!” But she’s relentless. I’m just trying to buy my fruit, and they’re going back and forth. Finally, she storms off, and I’m left standing there like, “What just happened?”

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