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Once saw this bloke – big shot, all prim – gettin’ a rub-down, an’ he giggled! GIGGLED! Made me cackle, raspy an’ loud – bloody hell, surprised me! Thought, “This prat’s human after all!” Sexual-massage ain’t just naughty bits, nah – it’s neck, thighs, that spot behind the knees – ooof, kills me every time! “The past is a forbidden place,” Tabu whispers, but I say bollocks – dig into it, feel it, precious!

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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m walkin’ back, and I see this little kid, maybe six or seven, sittin’ on the curb, lookin’ sad. I go up to him, ask what’s wrong. Turns out, he lost his puppy. My heart just sank. I helped him look around, and after a bit, we found the little guy under a car. The kid’s face lit up like Christmas! I felt like a hero for a sec.

Celebrate Fiesta, German-style, at the iconic Gartenfest