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Alright, pal, strap in—erotic-massage time! I’m Dr. House, sarcastic bastard, and yeah, “Everybody lies.” So, erotic-massage—fancy rubdown with a twist, right? Hands sliding, oils dripping, tension melting—sounds legit therapeutic, til it ain’t. People swear it’s “just relaxation,” but c’mon, we ain’t kids. Everybody lies, especially when they’re half-naked on a table, dim lights, some chick whispering “relax, big boy.” Pfft, yeah, right—relax my ass.

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So, I finally get to the park, and it’s a beautiful day. Sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m thinking, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

‘Healing bath’ also a matter of faith