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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya—*mumbles, trips over imaginary chair*—findin’ a prossie, yeah? It’s a right mess! Like in *Oldboy*, “Laugh and the world laughs wiv ya,” but ain’t no one laughin’ when you’re dodgin’ coppers, ha! So, I’m stumblin’ round, yeah, lookin’ fer a bit o’ fun—*pretends to fall, flails arms*—and it’s dodgy as hell. Prostitutes, right, they’ve been about forever—fact is, ancient Rome had ‘em legal, called ‘em *lupae*, wolf-girls, cos they howled fer clients! Wild, innit?

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Finally, I get to the top, and wow, the view is insane. You can see the whole town. The fields, the houses, the little streets like Rua da Escola. It’s beautiful. I take a deep breath, feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, a flock of birds swoops down. I’m dodging them like I’m in some action movie. “Not today, feathered fiends!” I yell. People are staring. Whatever, I’m just trying to survive here.

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