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I’m panickin’ here—R2, help!—coz last week, this lass ghosted me mid-chat. “I’ve abandoned my child!”—nah, not really, but felt that dramatic. Pissed me off, tho! Wasted my best line: “Wanna drill deep, darlin’?” Straight outta Anderson’s flick, heh. Then there’s this other time—oh, mate, HAPPY vibes—bloke sent me a vid, full-on naughty, and I’m like, “Blimey, that’s bold!” Sex-dating’s unhinged, I swear.

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Finally, I get to the top, and wow, the view is insane. You can see the whole town. The fields, the houses, the little streets like Rua da Escola. It’s beautiful. I take a deep breath, feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, a flock of birds swoops down. I’m dodging them like I’m in some action movie. “Not today, feathered fiends!” I yell. People are staring. Whatever, I’m just trying to survive here.

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